My cell phone took a bath...

love,
lindsay

The Monument

Since Mom passed, away Dad has been pretty consumed with getting the headstone finished for their grave site. Well, a few weeks ago it was finished and placed in the cemetery. We had a fun day trip. Lindsay, Max, and London were in town. Jenn, Kate, John, and Liz all made the trip. We had such a great time. So fun to be there together. The little kids had a ball running around the cemetery. Dad was very pleased with the result. He likes to visit the Brigham City Cemetery. It makes for a nice outing. Always a side trip to Maddox and a tour of all of the important places, depending on which caregiver we have with us. Glad we got it done. Glad he is so happy with it. Don't love seeing my name on a headstone...............

"Little Caesar's"

It was a very sentimental day for me. It seems like wherever I turned memories filled my vision. I was vacuuming the house and kept seeing stacks of wedding invitations, boxes of extra food in my pantry, and water colored pictures piled up everywhere. I kept thinking that I was going to have to move something out of my way. But, really nothing blocked my way. I could vacuum everywhere. I didn't like it. It was kind of like everything just hit me. When we are young and having babies we are too tired to think much about anything except getting through the day. When we are old, we are taking care of naughty teenagers and aging parents. The best years are those in between years. The time when your kids don't mind hanging out with you. When your kids are older and married they don't mind, but it is those years from about age 8 through about age 13 that are so much fun. They can't drive, nor can any of their friends. They still like you and don't mind that you know. They are old enough that you aren't doing bottles, diapers, baby food, or naps. I cannot drive into Smith's parking lot without looking at the building that used to be Little Caesar's. It always brings back so many memories. The days when we would spend Friday nights eating pizza and licorice. Watching movies and staying up late. So much fun....so many good times. Enjoy every minute of every stage (when you aren't too tired). They grow up and leave you. They visit. But it is never the same. Thank HEAVEN for grandchildren. Couldn't make it without them!

Some thoughts on hope

I know I don't ever do this, but it's late, I can't sleep, and I'm overwhelmed with thoughts that I need to put down. This is one reason I should keep a journal, but that's just one more thing there isn't time for in the day, right?
Whenever I come up to Utah for a visit, I feel like I get a reality check. I talk with my mom every day, sometimes a lot more, but until I am here, I don't really see and understand how bad things are for my dad. When he had his first kidney transplant (courtesy of an awesome brother-in-law) I had a lot of mixed emotions. I couldn't understand why this had to happen to my "good" dad. Why the one who treated my mother like royalty had to be inflicted with this misfortune? Then he started to do well and I was grateful for the lesson that life isn't always fair, but Heavenly Father is mindful of us. I learned that He sends blessings in different ways. I was so grateful when Bill recovered from the transplant and was doing well.
Then over the past few years there have been some major setbacks. Infections, viruses, doctor oversights, you name it. A few months ago the decision was made to remove his kidney and go on dialysis. It was the last option. He spends 4-5 hours a day, 3 days a week on dialysis. The side effects of dialysis and all of the medications he's taking because of it are immense. I wouldn't even call them side-effects, a more appropriate term would be entree effects. They are not just things you deal with and get on with your day, they are things you endure just hoping to get through the day. This is a man who used to give horse back rides to my son all around the house now he can barely spend half a day at work due to exhaustion and other physical ailments. To make matters more complicated, his red blood levels have gotten so low that he has been hospitalized twice for blood transfusions. This is difficult because it makes it that much harder to find a match for his kidney. Which is what we are all praying for and which brings me to my whole point of this post. I pray for my dad often, I know a lot of people do. I know there are so many people out there that are thinking of him, praying for his recovery. He has been such an influence in so many lives and it's shown in how many kidney offers he has received. He is an incredible man and an even more incredible father. I owe so many things to him, I couldn't even begin to express. I just wanted to share a tender mercy I had tonight while I was saying my prayers. While praying, I had a very deep sense of hope for my dad. A feeling of security that he will be ok, that his life will be blessed. I had a strong feeling that he will be healthy again, that we will all be blessed with his presence for a while longer. I felt a hope that I hadn't felt since his health has started to decline and I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father for blessing me with that comfort. And I want my dad to know that while he's suffering now, that he won't always have to. That Jesus suffered for us and knows what you're going through and can comfort you when you need it, because he's been there. And I know that He is watching out for you, and for all of us. I love you, dad, and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Sometimes I know it looks like things can't get any worse, and then another rotten thing happens.
Just remember to hope.