Marie Callenders'

Well just so I can keep everything straight we are at April 1. We had our first "walk date" on March 12, 1994. We had been on several walks by now. We had never been on a "spend money" kind of date. Not that I cared one twit. Well on April 1 he called me and left a message. I called him back at work. The number was 801-532-5279. This isn't important to the story. But the idea that I wrote the number down in my journal affirms the fact that I was a much better journal keeper then, than now. He invited me for errands AND ice cream!! This was a very big deal. "A date without exercise" is what I put in my journal. Of course we ended up not doing errands or getting ice cream, but we did go to Marie Callenders'. We ran into someone he knew from a long time ago. They talked for about 15 minutes. We had pie and talked. We did SO much talking. We visited in the drive way for a while. We had a slight hug. You have to understand that I am such a geek through all of this. I took him a note after this date to thank him and invite him to Sunday dinner. By this time he was calling me every other day or so. We walked Saturday, and he said that he was going to come to dinner on Sunday. He always asked if he could bring anything. SO thoughtful! I didn't write this down, but I remember wondering if we were EVER going to have a first kiss. I still wasn't sure where all of this was going. Maybe we were going to just be "BFF". I also remember thinking that maybe the purpose of the pie was "kissing rights". Well, yeah, I was right. The first walk after the pie, came the kiss. He was all spiffed up when I got there. If I am not mistaken he had on his great yellow Ruff Hewn polo and I had on my light blue oxford Polo shirt. I cannot believe that I didn't write this down, but I remember it SO WELL. We were looking at pictures or something at the bar. All of a sudden he just leaned over and planted one on. YEP, still remember it. Can still feel it. WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL. So casual. He left to use the bathroom before we left for our walk. I can vividly recall walking over to the window, looking out, and thinking that this was very real, and it was going somewhere, and I liked it. Sunday was Conference weekend. We had a great dinner. He brought me flowers and carnations for the girls. "What a guy. I'm gone" was the prophetic journal entry. We all did the tramp again and ended up in the house learning magic tricks. My Guy is "world class famous" for his magic tricks. He also told us scary stories in the dark in Liz's room. Holding hands for the first time with all of your kids in the room. Very interesting. More kisses at the door that night before he left. I was going to need a lot of practice......

Some thoughts on Journal Keeping

Today in Relief Society we had an awesome lesson on temple work and family history. Of course the topic of journal keeping was mentioned. It seems that whenever I am listening to someone talk about family history, the save-all that keeps me from feeling guilty is that I do keep a journal. In fact, I am an avid journal keeper. Recently, however, I have cause to call into question my quality of the practice. When I was young, I was always aware of my Grandma Laura's journals. They were beautiful. Unlike my assortment of mismatched journals (my current giant Dot Candy one being the most outrageous), hers were all beautiful red leather. They were all the same style and color. I just knew that they were filled with so many wonderful things. After she passed away, I had occasion to read through them. I was partly correct in that they were filled with her beautiful penmanship and wisdom. However, like my journals, they were filled with lots of mundane stuff as well. "She had hung the clothes out on the line." "She had gotten her hair done." At that time it was very comforting to me to know that it is OK for journals to be just a log of our routine activities of the day. The trouble is that sometimes, at least for me, those days all look the same. Recently, I have been working on a list that I keep in my journal of my memories of Bill. I don't want to forget important things. Those memories include the things that he said, that he did, that he liked, that he felt, that he laughed at, that he enjoyed, or that he valued. S0 yesterday I had a very valuable lesson taught to me. I was feeling very brave and listening to a Phil Collins CD that has the song "My Girl" on it. This brought to my mind something that HAD to go on that list. My Guy and I didn't really have "a song", but he chose "My Girl" for my ring tone on his cell phone. Everyone that knows us well is aware of that little detail of our lives. What most everyone doesn't know is that every time I called Bill, he would answer the phone singing 'MY GIRL" at the top of his voice. HOW IS IT THAT I HAD NEVER PUT THAT IN MY JOURNAL???? How is it that something that made me smile every day, at least once or twice, and means the world to me now, wasn't included in what had happened to me that day? I think that is was way more important information than the fact that I picked up my dad's prescriptions or cleaned the bathrooms. Lesson Learned: Even though some of those details of our lives are mildly interesting to posterity, the ones that teach us the true character of a person are way more inspiring. I am trying to do a better job of including those kinds of things on the pages of my journal. Anyway, it was an important lesson for me. I am such a slow learner!

Virginia Pearce "Through His Eyes" meets "The Optimistic Child"

Just about one of my favorite things in the world is when something that I teach at school collides with a Gospel principle. That happened this week when I read Virginia Pearce's latest book. She has been my hero since I read "A Heart Like His". I am still trying to incorporate the things I learned in that book into my life. Now, more than ever, because that is what Bill was perfect at. That book taught the principle of keeping your eyes on the needs of the people in your world as those experiences come to you through the course of the day, instead of on "your list for the day".

Anyway there is something that I teach at school that I learned in "The Optimistic Child". It is called ABC. Something happens in our life. We will call it A, for adversity. It could also be called an event, an action, something said or done that was hurtful, a problem, and experience. B stands for belief. That means we have some kind of a thought about the event or adversity. Whatever that thought is leads to a C, for consequence or feeling. The feeling that we have is a result of the thought about the event (A). IF WE CAN CHANGE THE THOUGHT, WE CAN CHANGE THE FEELING! In a school setting it might look like this.

A-- Someone has a party, and you are not invited.

B--"He/She doesn't like me."

C--"I am a loser."

But if you dispute, analyze, correct the thought, it could look like this:

A--Someone has a party, and you are not invited.

B--"He/She doesn't like me."

CORRECTION/DISPUTE--"NO, I know they like me, but maybe they could only have two friends to their party."

C--"I hope they have fun, maybe next time I will get to go".

Well, Virginia Pearce has written a book based on the same idea. Hers looks like this:

Sensory/input/external data/experience

Beliefs/thoughts/interpretation/expectations

Emotions/anger/irritation, peace, depression, anxiety, discouragement

Actions/behavior

She talks about cleaning out our mind as if we were cleaning out a closet. When you really clean, you take everything out. You then make piles. There is the garbage pile, the DI pile, the "somewhere else" pile, and the "go back in" pile. She suggests we take EVERYTHING we believe out of our mind long enough to sort it. The TRUTH, as in Eternal (with a capital T) pile, the truth (small t) pile, and LIES. Make a list of each. Only let back in the Truth piles. Then when you have one of these events, measure it against what you KNOW to be true.

Don't accept every negative thought that pops into your head. We all have them. But if they are WRONG, and they often are, then they lead to negative emotions. EVEN WORSE they lead to negative thoughts about our self. And we all know where that comes from! Hope that all makes sense. I think it is pretty interesting and VERY helpful!

School Day #1

Survived. Thank you, Awesome Kids!

Conclusion Proverbs 15:17 "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith"

This lesson is all about priorities. There are some things that are just plain more important than others. This scripture teaches us that no matter what else is happening, we should have a spirit of love, acceptance, and peace in our homes. We can reword the scripture a thousand different ways, and it still means the same thing. "Better a home with kind words, than a home with no clothes on the floor." There are lots of things that are JUST NOT WORTH FIGHTING ABOUT! The spirit of contention is the "spirit of the devil". The priority for us should be the Spirit of the Lord. That doesn't mean that we can't talk about clothes on the floor, dishes in the sink, raising children, money. It just means that we have to do it in a way that allows His Spirit to be with us. And as I always say......"Nice Face, Nice Words, Nice Voice".

Scripture #4

D&C 58:42 "He who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more". This scripture helps us to feel hope that we can be forgiven of our mistakes. It is a source of hope. So if we are "trying to be like Jesus", then hopefully we will develop a forgiving disposition. If we want to be forgiven, then we have to forgive. Once our spouse has asked for forgiveness, our goal should be to do as the Lord has promised and "remember" them no more. I guess that means that if we are tempted to "rewind", "replay", or "rehash", past mistakes, that doesn't qualify as "remembering them no more". NO ONE IN THIS WORLD knows our weaknesses and strengths as well as our spouse does. So we should be each other's cheerleader and help each other improve and get better at overcoming those weaknesses. AND pray for each other and the strength to forgive AND forget.

Luke 14:28

Scripture # 3 from our Five Scriptures Lesson. "For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost...?" Most couples spend more time planning the wedding than planning the marriage. The wedding is literally a piece of cake. The marriage, however, is a fifty to eighty year (if you are really lucky) commitment with adjustments, bills, illness, babies, overdrafts, debt, teenagers, tuition, heartbreak, and so on, and so on. John Bytheway paraphrases a popular saying, "Ask not what your marriage can do for you, ask what you can do for your marriage." Maintaining a marriage can be as simple as asking a few questions of one another on a weekly basis. Questions like, "Is there anything I could do better?", "Am I being a good husband/wife?", "How do you feel about things?" Then REALLY LISTENING to the answers. If you want to "build" a celestial marriage, it is a good idea to "sitteth down" first and count the cost.

Confessions of an "obsessed texter"....

I will be the first to admit that I am addicted to my phone. My kids will be the second to admit it. I often justify sending or responding to a text when I am engaged in a conversation by telling myself that I will be more focused if I can just "get it off my mind". I LOVE texting. I think it is easier than talking. It is more convenient than talking. My shoulder is not as sore at the end of the day from holding my phone to my ear. However, it is often a distraction. I am not confessing this because I am going to give up texting. However, I will continue my quest to be a better listener. The listening gene was not passed out to the Zundel family.

There is another interesting fact about texting. There is so much potential for miscommunication. Twice in the last week I have received texts from friends that were meant for their daughters. It is very important to remember when one is texting that you don't write anything that you wouldn't want the whole world to read, because you never know where it might go. I often send a text to a friend in the ward that has the same name as one of the caregivers at my dad's. She always sends me a text back asking if I need her to do a shift there. I am always looking for good examples of miscommunication, and the perfect one came across my phone this very day. I am in the process of picking out a grave marker for My Guy and I. I ordered a marker more than a month ago. It is a beautiful light grey granite with perfect black streaks. The stone man and I have been exchanging emails about the inscriptions. Of course it has to be just perfect! I was looking at the latest proof and was wondering if my name looked like it was taking more than its fair share of the space, because it is so long. I sent off an email to ask his opinion about "stacking" my name. I hadn't heard a response for a few days, and so the following exchange took place tonight:

mk: "Hi. I wondered if you got my email about my name being too big? Would it look better stacked? I want it to look balanced. Am I driving you crazy? m. lewis"
him: "Yup and I haven't been to that office yet. I will be there tomorrow."
mk: "Yup I am driving you crazy? Or yup you got the email.?"
him: "Email yup LOL"
mk: "Thanks!"

Scripture Two

In Matthew 26:22 it says "Is it I?" This was the response of the disciples when the Savior told them that one of them would betray Him. Their reaction was one of meekness and self-examination. This is an inward question. It is an outward recognition of an inner weakness. It says, "Will you help me to know if I have done something wrong?" Isn't that a novel idea? This is tantamount to asking for correction! When the disciples were told that one of them would be the betrayer, they did not start pointing fingers. They looked at their own behavior. When this scripture is applied to a marriage relationship, IT IS A VALUABLE TOOL for creating an environment in which problems can be talked about and solved. The Spirit may dwell in this setting where there is no blaming and no resentment. We can only change our self. We can't change others. Sometimes we hope that changing our self will help to change others, but that is a bonus, and not to be expected.

"Our Tiny Cups"

Everyone has their own challenges. It seems to be on everyone's mind. It certainly is on mine. I am ever looking to discover how to get out of these "deep waters" and learn my new purpose. Adversity was the topic last night at our adult Stake Conference Session. It was an awesome meeting and was so comforting to me. I have a wonderful friend that sends me a packet of "thoughts for the day" each week. So every day I am reading thoughts and stories about adversity. They always give me lots of food for thought. I got one the other day that was particularly interesting. It was from Neil Maxwell. It said, "I testify that in eloquent example He partook voluntarily of the bitter cup in the awful, but for Him avoidable, Atonement; we must, therefore, drink from our tiny cups. I thank Him for likewise not interceding on our behalf, even when we pray in faith and reasonable righteousness for that which would not be right for us. Our glimpse of Gethsemane should teach us that all prayers are petitions! I testify that He and the Father are serious about stretching our souls in this second estate. I testify that just as He has helped to carefully construct this second estate for all mankind, He also has helped to carefully construct each of our little universes of experience." Ensign 12/07

"The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party"

This was a fun and fast read. The characters are charming. It was all about relationships. I loved it! It ended too soon.

"Five Scriptures That WIll Strengthen Your Marriage" Part 1

I have been reading a book by John Bytheway, and he gets all credit for the ideas presented here. Sometimes we hear things that change our life or how we think about things because they ring true. That is how this book affected me. I am working on my next Relief Society lesson, and this is the outline for it.
Scripture 1.."Remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another" (D and C 90:24). There is no one else on this earth that we have made a covenant with except our spouse. When we struggle to make decisions that affect our marriage--and almost every decision does--our first and best strategy is to remember our covenants. We have to remind ourselves that we don't have a covenant with our kids, parents, work, hobbies, church calling, or friends. He says that his marriage thrives when he and his wife remember their covenant to each other. It is incredibly affirming to have a wife who makes him feel that he is first in her life, who hangs up the phone when he walks in, and who understands that he likes to have time alone with her each day. It is sad to get more excitement from the dog than by the one with whom he has made and received covenants.

The Moon

The next Sunday I found myself behind him in the hall at church. We exchanged the typical "How are you's?", but I thought they were all full of hidden meanings. After church he waved me into his Sunday School class and invited me for a walk. Of course I said yes and promptly invited him to Sunday dinner. I was watching his reaction very closely and thought he seemed very pleased. He said that he would love to. We decided on five. He was late because he had been home teaching. The kids were great, not nervous or silly. I was a wreck. Liz talked non stop. Right in the middle of dinner she said, "How about you just come and live with us?" We all laughed. It wasn't awkward as one would expect. Dinner went pretty well. We had the typical Sunday dinner. Roast and mashed potatoes. If I remember right, the blender broke, and I had no masher, but oh well. I was never going to be able to hide the fact that my talents are not in the kitchen. After dinner we retired to the tramp. The kids showed off for him. He jumped for them, then I jumped. We had a lot of fun. We then took a walk. Don and Merlene Moss had bought the home that he had built at the end of the cul de sac. They had asked him to come down to ask him some questions about the house. Mostly My Guy was with Don, and I was with Merlene. Don and Merlene found love with each other late in life, and if I remember correctly we heard their love story. If not that night, then we did hear it another night. We were there for two hours! It was our first time to be together around other people, and it felt really nice to me. After we left, we just continued our walk around the circle. He pointed out the moon to me, and it really was beautiful that night. He always points out a beautiful moon. I don't have a very good memory for things, and most all I write about is word for word from my journal, but I remember that moon on that night like it was yesterday. I had been beginning to wonder what our relationship was about. Were we just going to be friends or was their romance in the air? When he pointed out the moon to me, I remember thinking that maybe that was my answer about our relationship. If I had known him better, I would have known that he was just pointing out a beautiful moon. I think he was also sending me a message. When he was ready to be romantic, I would not have to wonder. You can only imagine how I feel when I see one of those beautiful moons.

Happy Birthday, Babe XOXOXO

We started a new tradition tonight. We celebrated Bill's birthday at Woodland Park instead of the pool. One of the nice things about Woodland Park is that it is very close to the cemetery. We roasted hot dogs and made S'mores. It was awesome! Even when there is just half of us, we have a great group. We have such an amazing family. We each shared a memory of Bill. The wonderful blessing is that everyone agreed that every recollection of him is a good one. Never anger or impatience, just love, kindness, and concern. We miss him, but are so grateful for all those incredible good times. Love you, babe.