However

The nice thing about the blog for me is that it helps to keep me positive. It is very therapeutic for me to try to stay upbeat. I try not to dwell on my negative thoughts. I probably could make anyone that reads the blog cry on a daily basis, but I try not to. I feel like I have to practice what I preach, so I usually mute a lot of my feelings. Bill is a master of the power of positive thinking. He wants me to be positive, but I am sure he doesn't mind a few tears from me either. However, today has to be worth noting. One year ago on this day, My Brave Guy survived four code blues and was still smiling. My emotions are, of course, a jumbled mess. I feel so grateful he is no longer suffering. I feel so sad. I feel so guilty that I am functioning in all of my capacities, instead of home crying from grief. I would have so loved to have had him with me these last four months. We have had so many events that we would have loved to have him be a part of. Also, so many events that I needed his wise counsel and judgment. He would have known what to do at every turn. It seems like it was just a minute ago, but it wasn't. I am so grateful for how fast time goes by. Seems that the new, sad element in my life hasn't affected the speed of days and weeks. I am often sustained by the words of Moroni, "...faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith".