Erma Bombeck

I was reminded of Erma Bombeck in my new favorite book the other day.  I was sad at the thought that someone that had been such a ray of sunshine in my life, when I was a young mom, would be unknown by our daughters.  She had so many wise and witty things to say about life.  She was what we call "An American Humorist".  She wrote 4,000 newspaper columns that we read in 900 papers.  She wrote about "the ordinary suburban housewife".  She published 15 books.  The two that I remember best were "The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank" and "If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What am I Doing in the Pits?"  She was diagnosed at a young age with kidney disease and also endured breast cancer.  She passed away at the young age of 69 from complications due to a kidney transplant.  At the end of her life she penned a list of her regrets. 
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER,
I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the world would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. 
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a  summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. 
I wouldn't have worried about grass stains from sitting on the lawn.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the chance in life to assist God in a miracle.  When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later, go get washed up for dinner."  More "I love yous", and more "I'm sorrys".
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it...look at it and really see it...try it on...live it...and never give it back.  STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Great advice, Erma.  I am working on my list.

Great Quotes by E.B.
"Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids."

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."

"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."

"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."

"Mothers-in-law who wear a black armband to the wedding are expendable."

"The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again."

"Ironed Sheets are a health hazard."

"Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage."

"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'"

"In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV."

"When humor goes, there goes civilization."

"Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."

"Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth."

"The grass is always greener over the septic tank."

"A child needs your love more when he deserves it least."

"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."

"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."

"If you can laugh at it, you can live with it."

"I told you I was sick." (She requested this to be her epitaph.)